my car sits in the car-park
atop this darkened hill,
i drove winding roads to get here
hoping my mind might untangle,
but now i’m here, i’m empty
stuck in the in-between.
the seat next to me is vacant,
this car seems too big.
the cold bites hard on my fingers.
it reminds me i’m alive
and that this pain is all too real
closing in on everything.
things aren’t always black and white
sometimes they’re grayer than the sky,
and it’s hard for me
to spend time with you
when i know
there are things i can’t share with you.
the wind whips my windows
as the darkness pushes in
and i realize i’m lost,
even though you said i’m not –
because i don’t know what i want
if it’s not you.