my car sits in the car-park

atop this darkened hill,

i drove winding roads to get here

hoping my mind might untangle,

but now i’m here, i’m empty

stuck in the in-between.

the seat next to me is vacant,

this car seems too big.

the cold bites hard on my fingers.

it reminds me i’m alive

and that this pain is all too real

closing in on everything.

things aren’t always black and white

sometimes they’re grayer than the sky,

and it’s hard for me

to spend time with you

when i know

there are things i can’t share with you.

the wind whips my windows

as the darkness pushes in

and i realize i’m lost,

even though you said i’m not –

because i don’t know what i want

if it’s not you.