I asked the psychologist once, why I couldn’t feel anything.
She said to me that it wasn’t that I couldn’t feel anything, it was that I had to feel like I was in a safe enough environment to let my walls down before I could allow myself to feel something. Because I had spent so much time not feeling to survive.
I thought about what she said and I still think about it now. Sometimes I can feel my walls slowly crumbling when I’m around certain people, and it makes me nervous.
Surely, any day now, safety will come and I will feel something again.