blood spills under my tongue

as i bite down on the side of my cheek

trying not to say the words

desperately wanting to spill from my mouth

that fill my lungs

and get caught in my throat on the way up.

 

my eyes water at the sight of you

and at the thought of you

and the things you put me through

but i don’t let the tears run down my cheeks

i learnt long ago

it does me no good.

 

and i watch your destructive path

desperate to keep out of harm’s way

while being aware that harm has a way

of finding me, regardless

but i pray

you don’t hurt them like you hurt me.

 

i only hope what they say is true

that you never hurt them

that they stayed blissfully ignorant

to the evil in their midst

and you stayed away from them

and off of them.

 

i sweat bullets at night

at the thought of you.

i fly off the handle

because of you.

and no amount of empathy

would make me sorry for you.

 

i’ve kept silent for the most part

even i’m not sure why.

maybe to save the rest of them,

because i’m sure even the thought of who you are

would weigh heavy on their souls

like it does mine.

 

i pray every day

they don’t see the real you

and i say every day

they should stay away from you

and i’ve learned to live with the pain

that i was given by you.

 

…

 

and they say love prevails

and i wonder if that’s true.