blood spills under my tongue
as i bite down on the side of my cheek
trying not to say the words
desperately wanting to spill from my mouth
that fill my lungs
and get caught in my throat on the way up.
my eyes water at the sight of you
and at the thought of you
and the things you put me through
but i don’t let the tears run down my cheeks
i learnt long ago
it does me no good.
and i watch your destructive path
desperate to keep out of harm’s way
while being aware that harm has a way
of finding me, regardless
but i pray
you don’t hurt them like you hurt me.
i only hope what they say is true
that you never hurt them
that they stayed blissfully ignorant
to the evil in their midst
and you stayed away from them
and off of them.
i sweat bullets at night
at the thought of you.
i fly off the handle
because of you.
and no amount of empathy
would make me sorry for you.
i’ve kept silent for the most part
even i’m not sure why.
maybe to save the rest of them,
because i’m sure even the thought of who you are
would weigh heavy on their souls
like it does mine.
i pray every day
they don’t see the real you
and i say every day
they should stay away from you
and i’ve learned to live with the pain
that i was given by you.
and they say love prevails
and i wonder if that’s true.